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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24967249">Blind Panic</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignatureDish/pseuds/SignatureDish'>SignatureDish</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Warriors - Erin Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Author hasn't read the books in years but gives it her best shot, Canon What Canon, Casual Ableism, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jayfeather is a jackass but hes MY jackass, Nightcloud and Breezepelt aren’t captain planet villians, Wish Fulfillment, but not as dense as he could've been, crowfeather finds out about the three while they're babies, crowfeather is dense, lets be honest the clans and the pot storyline kinda suck so let me tear it all into itty bits, not so casual ableism, the expected level of discrimination, yes the title is a pun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:09:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,431</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24967249</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignatureDish/pseuds/SignatureDish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“If I’d known...If I’d only known when you were kits, when you needed me, surely things would have been different.”</p><p>When Crowfeather fished a blind Thunderclan apprentice out of the lake one day, it took him several years to come to terms with that apprentice being his son.<br/>What if he figured it out on his own?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Brambleclaw/Squirrelflight (Warriors), Crowfeather/Leafpool (Warriors), Crowfeather/Nightcloud (Warriors), Firestar/Sandstorm (Warriors)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>109</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>260</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. You’ll someday see (the truth from lies)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A couple of things have always frustrated me:</p>
<p>1. It’s never directly addressed, but Jayfeather takes after his father the most in both looks and personality. If Nightcloud had loaned Crowfeather her braincell more often, Leafpool’s secret wouldn’t have lasted five minutes with Jay and Crow in close proximity.</p>
<p>2. Windclan has a pretty good record for disabled cats. They all tend to live long, fulfilling lives. Thunderclan Does Not.</p>
<p>3. Crowfeather isn’t a bad father, he’s just not emotionally intelligent. He has repeatedly and consistently demonstrated love for his son across all books and I truly believe that if the ‘you have halfclan kids’ bomb hadn’t been dropped on him the way it had he would’ve tried just as hard with the three.<br/>I’m not making excuses, he’s an asshole and doesn’t deserve forgiveness just because he’s always eventually sorry for being an asshole, but I want to see him given a fair shot at it.</p>
<p>4. Windclan is Always touting that ‘We’re closest to Starclan’ thing but I have Never seen an example of that. Their medicine cats aren’t even that good.<br/>So I’m dropping the most spiritual cat ever in that camp and actually touching the concept.</p>
<p>Fair warning, I have The Sight pdf on my phone and the Warriors wiki for important plot beats and characterization but it has been way too many years since I read a series and I’m definitely gonna be rusty or disregarding some things.<br/>Have mercy, this isn’t too serious.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Crowfeather woke up that crisp, green-leaf morning, birds were chirping their cheerful songs. A strong breeze brought the tantalizing scent of prey to his mouth with only the briefest sniff, and though clouds formed a thick barrier between him and the sun, the lack of frost on the ground promised a warmer day than the last. </p>
<p>He had volunteered for his morning patrol before most of his clanmates had stirred from their dens, eager to watch the last vestiges of leaf-bare melt away before his eyes.</p>
<p>Crowfeather hadn’t dreamed for even a second that the end of the patrol would find him <em> kicking ferociously through the frigid lake </em>. Otherwise, he would’ve tucked his nose under his tail and slammed his eyes shut that morning like any sensible cat.</p>
<p>But there he was, cursing viciously at the morning that had so insidiously tempted him from his rest.</p>
<p>His skin burned, the water felt too thick, churning with ice and sapping his paws of feeling. He <em> hated </em> swimming, that the wind howling overhead wasted no time biting into his wet fur when he wasn’t submerged only made the entire ordeal a punishment in every imaginable way. </p>
<p>If it weren’t for the mouse-brained kit fighting and losing with the relatively soft waves right in front of his freezing nose he wouldn’t have even touched the soggy bank for fear of wetting his paws. </p>
<p>But there <em> was </em> a kit, a scrap of Thunderclan fluff that had skipped off a <em> Windclan </em> cliff without a care in the world, determined to die in the most incriminating way possible it seemed. </p>
<p>Firestar was as softhearted as they came, but Crowfeather doubted even he would accept ‘your kit wandered into our territory and drowned himself’ at face value. </p>
<p>So here he was, cursing his luck at the hidden stars as he lunged through the freezing lake. </p>
<p>It took hours to reach his destination, it seemed, fighting with the tide and his stiff protesting body to get anywhere. No cat belonged in water, Riverclan be damned, it yanked at his fur and slapped at his face and pummeled him for daring to leave dry land.</p>
<p>He was stubborn, though, and with his lungs and limbs straining, he snapped up a sodden wad of scruff and did his best to avoid choking on it while he kept them both afloat.</p>
<p>The kit certainly wasn’t any help, kicking haphazardly and twisting until Crowfeather’s jaw ached with the effort of steering him toward the shore. </p>
<p>Frustration and fear scorched from both ends, did this wretch <em> want </em>to die?</p>
<p>“Keep still!” He garbled, digging his teeth into soft kitten down in an effort to hold his grip.</p>
<p>This seemed to alarm the kit even further, choked gasps and whimpers rising above the howling wind. What was wrong with him?</p>
<p>“Stop wriggling!” This time he gave the kit a swift shake, no doubt painfully reorienting him for the banks up ahead.</p>
<p>This seemed to do the trick though, for he stilled, stunned, and panting. A moment of silence passed before the kit moved again, this time with some meager scrape of intelligence. </p>
<p>Cautiously, sluggishly, those tiny paws began peddling in the right direction, finding a rhythm pressed up against Crowfeather’s powerful kicks. </p>
<p>Whitetail, Heatherpaw, and his son waited for them in the sand. The trio wide-eyed and anxious, but not terribly eager to dive in after him. He couldn’t blame them, Starclan but it was <em> freezing </em>.</p>
<p>Once his nerveless paws found purchase, Whitetail did discover the compassion to meet him halfway and help drag the Thunderclan lump through sand and back onto the blessedly dry moorland. The kit certainly wouldn’t have made it himself, already collapsed into an exhausted heap and vibrating with the powerful shivers wracking his frame.</p>
<p>Crowfeather couldn’t follow suit and let himself huddle in for the warmth his aching body begged for, because the kit was still wheezing and choking and his struggles were getting weaker by the second. </p>
<p>He didn’t make that swim just to let the kit fade away in front of two apprentices, so with a groan, he lurched forward and started pumping the tiny thing’s chest. </p>
<p>Crowfeather’s paws didn’t engulf the entirety of the kit’s body as he feared they might, and he found he didn’t need to be terribly gentle to avoid bruising or breaking ribs. Perhaps not a kit then, but an apprentice fresh from his mother’s side.</p>
<p>Crowfeather wasn’t as comforted by the thought as he liked, Breezepaw was the same age and he had no desire to imagine his own son coughing up lakewater with his eyes squeezed shut in misery. </p>
<p>Finally, the Thunderclan cat was breathing clearly and a respectable puddle lay beneath him. Crowfeather backed off and allowed him room to regain his breath, which was when Heatherpaw decided to recover. </p>
<p>She crept close, hovering over the kit only a little smaller than she was. Probably an apprentice, then. A foolish, foolish apprentice.</p>
<p>“Will he be okay?” She asked, eyes still round and ears pinned back with fright.</p>
<p>The Thunderclan apprentice flinched from her voice, finally peering up at his Windclan rescuers. His eyes...scanned the area, but didn’t land on any one of the cats surrounding him.</p>
<p>“Who’s there?” He gasped, “Are you warriors?”</p>
<p>Crowfeather frowned, dread bubbling up in his chest.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Heatherpaw’s alarm heightened as she looked beseechingly up at her mentor for answers. She wasn’t a dull cat, though, and Crowfeather saw comprehension dawn on her face only a moment after.</p>
<p>“He can’t see!” She cried, distress following so swiftly he may as well have been blinded right in front of her.</p>
<p>Still, Crowfeather couldn’t deny the sight of the tiny apprentice searching helplessly for answers in the space between them had him shuffling with unease. No cat should be so defenseless, especially outside his home borders, void of clanmates and friendly patrols. </p>
<p>Crowfeather snarled, “What in the name of Starclan is he doing out here by himself?” </p>
<p>He shouldn’t need to be so wholly concerned with a young apprentice from another clan. Where was his leader, his mother, his <em> mentor </em>? Crowfeather’s tail lashed, it shouldn’t be Windclan warriors bristling with worry here.</p>
<p>He firmly pushed those thoughts from his mind and began roughly grooming the soaked kit, his own pelt could wait under he was sure the other wouldn’t drop dead of greencough within the next three days. </p>
<p>Whitetail joined in, sheltering the apprentice from the winds with her plush coat and together they laved over the shivering lump in silence. Was it awkward or commiserative? Crowfeather couldn’t tell what his clanmate was thinking, but given her nurturing nature, he could imagine she felt similarly to him. </p>
<p>“Will he be okay, Whitetail?” Heatherpaw asked quietly. </p>
<p>The Thunderclan apprentice had shut his eyes again and had gone limp under their administrations, looking more like a drowned rabbit than a living intruder. It was a disquieting sight, but his chest rose and fell and warmth blossomed under Crowfeather’s tongue. </p>
<p>He was slowly improving, if Heatherpaw would watch closely she could tell as well. They wouldn’t need to fetch their medicine cat, they just had to keep him warm for a little while longer.</p>
<p>Whitetail agreed, “He’ll be fine, Heatherpaw.”</p>
<p>She even stopped grooming the half-way dry kit, crouching close to give him a gentle nudge.<br/>
“Can you hear me?”</p>
<p>Crowfeather’s stomach sank at the thought of the cat being deaf as well, but was quickly set at ease when he gave a tiny nod.</p>
<p>Slowly, painfully, the Thunderclan apprentice dragged himself up into a sitting position. He swayed on weak legs and his fur was spiky and damp, but he didn’t drop back down.</p>
<p>The Windclan patrol hadn’t realized they’d leaned even further into the apprentice’s space during his struggle until he saw fit to shake the water from his ears right in front of their faces. Crowfeather sprang away and his clanmates did the same, his pelt was only <em> just </em>starting to dry too.</p>
<p>“Typical that a Thunderclan cat should thank us by trying to drown us!” His son yelped, completely untouched.</p>
<p>Crowfeather leveled him with an unimpressed look, “Stop making a fuss, Breezepaw! It’s only a few droplets of water.” This is what he gets for allowing Nightcloud to shield their son from even the lightest sprinkle in the nursery. Did Breezepaw even know what it was like to be wet?</p>
<p>He turned to the Thunderclan apprentice, whose eyes were open now and staring in his direction, ears pricked. He seemed alert enough, it was time to find out how this happened. </p>
<p>Crowfeather walked back into the cat’s space, allowing him to hear his steps and feel his breath on his fur, here he was. </p>
<p>His actions were rewarded when the cat managed something very close to eye-contact, fully aware of the warrior staring him down. Good, it would be easier to tell if he was being lied to now.</p>
<p>“What were you doing so far from camp? Is there anyone with you?” He demanded. </p>
<p>Firestar wouldn’t leave a kit to die for his blindness, but a conniving piece of foxdung mentor just might. Should he be expecting a vengeful Thunderclan patrol bursting onto the moors at the behest of a liar? Or just a regular patrol seeking out a stupid apprentice who wandered from their stupid mentor this close to the cliffs?</p>
<p>He needed to know if he should be calling for reinforcements, digging his claws into a cat’s useless pelt, or tossing this kit right back into the lake.</p>
<p>“Be gentle, Crowfeather,” Whitetail scolded, “He’s had a bad shock.” She placed herself between the two of them and gave the apprentice an affection lick, smitten it seemed. </p>
<p>The apprentice wasted no time snaring his ally and with a shudder, he buried his face into her fur and huddled against her like a frightened kitten with his mother. The worst part was that Crowfeather believed the response to be genuine, Whitetail induced that sort of reaction in young cats. </p>
<p>Whitetail visibly softened, eyes twinkling, and she cuddled with the intruder. </p>
<p>“I’m Whitetail,” She began in her gentlest voice, “This is Crowfeather, and these are our apprentices, Heatherpaw and Breezepaw. We won’t hurt you.”</p>
<p>Breezepaw scoffed, “I think he might have guessed that by the way we just saved his life!”</p>
<p>Whitetail shot a glare over the Thunderclan apprentice’s head, which had his son ducking away from her ire.</p>
<p>“I wish you’d teach your son some manners, Crowfeather!”</p>
<p>Crowfeather hunched away as well, that was about as scathing as Whitetail was capable of. He may have to apologize with a mouse or two later once this patrol was finally over with. </p>
<p>The tiny apprentice with big blue eyes drew her attention again, she worried at his fur until it wasn’t quite so spiky. Nightcloud had tried something similar but it hadn’t helped much with Breezepaw either, he had been born a ruffled mess and seemed determined to live and die one too. </p>
<p>Now that he was looking, the apprentice wasn’t as darkly colored as he’d thought. In the water, he’d looked more like a murky ball of moss than most anything else but now that his pelt was almost dry, Crowfeather found it to be silver in color. The only darkness remained in tabby stripes that twined around his tail and draped over his shoulders and hindquarters and appeared almost nowhere else. </p>
<p>He’d seen that pattern before, right down to the single set of stripes outlining his eyes in delicate swirls...but where?</p>
<p>
  <em> “It's all right. I'll stay here and take good care of the Clan, I promise. One day we'll meet again, walking among the stars.” </em>
</p>
<p>Crowfeather swallowed, a cold that had nothing to do with the lake curling in his ribs.</p>
<p>Ah, right. He shouldn’t be surprised, Leafpool wasn’t the only tabby in Thunderclan. Her sister had a litter recently as well, there were bound to be more.</p>
<p>He only wished he’d thought of that before he had told her he could spend the rest of his life counting her stripes and thanking Starclan for each one.</p>
<p>“What were you doing out here alone? Did you know you were heading for WindClan territory? Are you in trouble?” Whitetail asked each question in a light, concerned tone, completely ignorant to the maelstrom that just became Crowfeather’s innards.</p>
<p>He gritted his teeth and ignored the grief and pain bearing down on his back, he was used to doing it anyway, it just caught him off guard this time. He didn’t have time to wallow, he wanted to hear exactly what this apprentice had to say.</p>
<p>“I will be,” was all that escaped him, though. </p>
<p>So he hadn’t been sent there, he’d just gone out on his own like a mouse-brained <em> idiot </em> and nearly died for it. Was there honestly no one watching him? Not even a fellow apprentice? </p>
<p>“I should hope so!” He growled, “What was your clan thinking, allowing you to wander off like that?” He must have been gone for a while at that point, to have traveled across Thunderclan territory and into Windclan. But no one had looked for their freshly apprenticed blind clanmate, not a single cat was even nearby by the smell of it. </p>
<p>Heatherpaw crept up beside Whitetail to give the intruder a cautious sniff, bravery restored now that he was up and alert it seemed.</p>
<p>“Can you see anything at all?” She asked. He would’ve scolded her for the stupid question, but he could understand the apprehension when the apprentice was successfully watching her back with unseeing eyes. He had good aim, perhaps a skill from being born blind rather than inflicted with it later?</p>
<p>Breezepaw was less restrained, “If he can, he must be stupid, walking off the edge of a cliff!”</p>
<p>The apprentice switched his attention, glaring Breezepaw down with hackles raised.</p>
<p>“I didn’t walk off the edge!”</p>
<p>Rather than unnerved, his son was emboldened, pushing past Heatherpaw to snort rudely right into the apprentice’s face.</p>
<p>“It looked like it from where we were standing,” He sneered.</p>
<p>Why, oh why, had his son inherited the worst of both his parents’ tempers? </p>
<p>“Be quiet, Breezepaw!” Crowfeather snapped, something he said a little too often since his son left the nursery.</p>
<p>That time, however, something strange happened.</p>
<p>Both apprentices jumped and spun around to glower in his direction, sulky in the way scolded apprentices always were. It was then that it struck him, dumbfounding as a kick to the head.</p>
<p>Stripes and blindness aside, these two apprentices from completely different clans...held an uncanny resemblance. </p>
<p>Ruffled fur, angular ears, long tails, nimble frames, typically <em> Windclan </em> traits. The eery likeness didn’t stop there, though. That he could justify as scrawniness and coincidence. The defiant glares and prideful chests were identical as well, they were almost the same height and weight even though Breezepaw was small for his age. Was this apprentice small for his age too? </p>
<p>Was he only a moon or two older than Breezepaw? Had his life begun two moons after Crowfeather and Leafpool gazed up at the stars together and dreamed up a life of freedom and bliss?</p>
<p>Was Crowfeather still breathing? Was that <em> his </em> heart beating so loudly in his ears?</p>
<p>Was this a nightmare? Was everyone staring at him? He no longer felt cold, now adrenaline was thrumming through his body and his heart was pumping fire through his veins. </p>
<p>“I-” He gasped, faltering for a moment when the apprentice blinked up at him with eyes that were Ashfoot’s blue, <em> his </em> blue. By Starclan, how had he not recognized that blue?</p>
<p>“I suppose I better take him to Thunderclan,” He managed. If Crowfeather spoke too loudly or sounded too hoarse, no one commented on it. </p>
<p>“Are you well enough to travel?”</p>
<p>The Thunderclan apprentice nodded- Crowfeather didn’t know his <em> name </em>. </p>
<p>He stood up on steadier legs and left his shelter under Whitetail’s fluff, head held high.</p>
<p>“Thank you for rescuing me, but I can find my own way home,” The tiny blind scrap of kitten fur said right into the open air without a hint of deceit. </p>
<p>“There’s no way I’m letting you wander off by yourself again,” Crowfeather said roughly, a thousand tiny terrors flashing behind his eyes before he shook them free and turned to the rest of the patrol.</p>
<p>“Whitetail, you take Heatherpaw and Breezepaw back to camp.”</p>
<p>He gently placed his tail across the Thunderclan apprentice’s shoulders, feeling him stiffen beneath the contact but obediently follow him as they started putting distance between themselves and the lake.</p>
<p>Ever cheerful, Whitetail bound up the bank and called out to the apprentice, “See your medicine cat as soon as you get home!”<br/>
Oh, Crowfeather would <em> make sure of it </em>.</p><hr/>
<p>Once they were at the thinnest stretch of the moor, trees rising in sparse collections around them like giant weeds, Crowfeather dared to break the silence. </p>
<p>The apprentice had been completely quiet the entire time, not shivering or complaining at the pace, though Crowfeather kept it slow just in case. He trudged on glumly, ears flicking here and there but otherwise disinterested in the wildlife around him. If Crowfeather led them into Riverclan instead, he doubted the kit would even notice.</p>
<p>Still, uncertainty charged the very air around them, anxiety and doubt dogged his heels, hope that felt so very much like fear held a vice around his heart. He had to speak, he had to say <em> something </em>.</p>
<p>“What’s your name?” He asked.</p>
<p>The apprentice looked up, sightless eyes roving over Crowfeather before drifting a little too far to the left.</p>
<p>“Jaypaw,” He said.</p>
<p>Jaypaw, Jaypaw, <em> Jaypaw </em>. It was close to crow, would Leafpool be sentimental enough to name their kit after him? After everything they said to one another? Was this some wild, scandalous fantasy he was cooking up within the confines of his addled head?</p>
<p>Could Leafpool have had a litter? She was a medicine cat, there would’ve been talk, right?</p>
<p>“An apprentice,” Crowfeather said, too stilted, scrambling desperately for ways to interrogate without spooking the cat.</p>
<p>“Your parents must be proud, who are they?”</p>
<p>Confusion was plain on the kit’s face, but he was game enough to answer.</p>
<p>“My parents are Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw, why?”</p>
<p>Squirrelflight, right. Firestar had announced his grandchildren’s’ birth at a only a few short moons ago, very near Breezepaw’s own birth. He hated how nebulous this all was. Could all these tiny resemblances be nothing more than happenstance and the shadow of Leafpool cast across her nephew?</p>
<p>“I know your parents, I’m sure you heard about The Great Journey to bring the clans here. I was with them, then. How old are you?”</p>
<p>Interest overtook confusion, good. Crowfeather might have him snagged on the promise of a story. He steered them further into the trees, bushes and bracken slowly filling up the narrowing spaces in between.</p>
<p>“Oh, I think I have heard of you. Mother loves telling the story, especially the part where Father was almost washed away at sun-drown-place. I’m seven moons old, so it won’t be too long until I’ll be having adventures just like that.”</p>
<p>“You don’t <em> want </em> adventures like that one, good cats died and our homes were destroyed,” Crowfeather growled. No apprentice should dream of doing what he did, of watching Feathertail’s light go out right in front his useless sobbing self, of coming home to a moor that smelt like death and monsters. Clanmates didn’t remember him, clanmates hated him, he and his traveling group were suddenly so out of step with the tragedy that unfolded in their absence.</p>
<p>Happier adventures were promised at the lake. </p>
<p>Jawpaw flinched, temper ticking in his tail, “I guess not, but I <em> will </em>be a great warrior someday.”</p>
<p>Crowfeather glanced back, hesitant. Blind eyes stared uncomprehendingly ahead, the apprentice had no idea they were almost across the border. </p>
<p>His father Deadfoot had been an excellent warrior, a proud deputy that served his clan well and watched over them now from Starclan. He had lived his entire life burdened by a twisted foot that crippled him since birth, he fought and hunted and led patrols just like any other deputy. Crowfeather held a deep respect for the power of determination and spirit in his father’s honor.</p>
<p>But could complete blindness be overcome? He wasn’t sure.</p>
<p>Deadfoot had the advantage of being born a Windclan cat, living in the wide plateaus that made up their territory gave him plenty of opportunities to overcome his personal obstacles. Ashfoot still told them fondly to Crowfeather after harder days to unwind. </p>
<p>He’d been the most silent stalker in the clan, able to creep up bare inches from his prey before springing to accommodate his weak pounce. He could scent a dog from miles off and took pride in filling nests with hawk feathers when they thought him easy pickings. He’d even crafted a signature fighting style specifically for aerial attacks that Ashfoot was far too gleeful teaching Crowfeather through a myriad of bruises and scrapes. </p>
<p>If Deadfoot had been born in Thunderclan, where the trees cloistered in close and littered the ground in clutter, where the wind was only the rustle of leaves far above, Crowfeather doubted he could’ve ever made deputy.</p>
<p>Crowfeather slowed down even further as they left Windclan territory entirely and Jaypaw’s steps became <em> unsurer </em>. No longer were there flat, rolling hills and high stalks that rattled noisily long before they passed. Now a rough and uneven forest floor sprawled out before them and this Thunderclan cat struggled to find his way in it without stumbling into brambles or roots.</p>
<p>He was doing alright, if Crowfeather stopped steering him around trees he didn’t think Jaypaw would kill himself in a thicket, but the concentration and care with which he walked grew noticeable.</p>
<p>If...If what was happening <em> was actually happening </em>, Crowfeather wondered if Jaypaw would do better in Windclan. </p>
<p>Crowfeather flinched, physically rearing his head away from that daring train of thought. He didn’t wonder any more than that, he couldn’t. Whenever he tried bees buzzed in his ears and his breath grew short, he couldn’t let himself dwell on anything that was going on if he was going to be useful for the rest of the day.</p>
<p>Seven moons, that was what Jaypaw had said. Crowfeather and Leafpool had made the best and worst decision of his life running away together nine moons ago. He was born within the timeframe their night together allowed, the one Breezepaw just barely escaped by a moon. </p>
<p>It could be yet another cruel coincidence upon a growing pile of quirks of fate, but Crowfeather’s doubts ebbed from him like the tide.</p>
<p>The silence started choking him again, so he switched topics, “What were you doing out of Thunderclan territory, anyway?”</p>
<p>Jaypaw’s tail lashed wrathfully, resentment instantly lighting through his body like he couldn’t <em> help </em> but bristle. Amusingly, the apprentice answered anyway.</p>
<p>“I didn’t mean to leave Thunderclan,” he spat, “I just wanted to reach the lake since Brightheart wouldn’t show me all the borders.”</p>
<p>Crowfeather knew Brightheart, any cat that joined in the Gathering knew her, she was hard to miss as mangled as she was. He had no idea what she was like as a warrior, but he was nonetheless torn between disgust that she’d lose a young blind apprentice and sympathy that she’d become mentor to such a hotheaded mousebrain.</p>
<p>“And you didn’t think to simply join a patrol?” He asked snidely. </p>
<p>The apprentice’s tail lashed again, this time sweeping several leaves up with its long reach. </p>
<p>“She went on patrol without me, I wasn’t going to sit around camp being useless!”</p>
<p>With a great deal of difficulty, Crowfeather swallowed the impulse to point out exactly how helpful his reckless wandering was to his clan. Jaypaw was clearly waiting for it, eyes slit and a hint of teeth behind his silver muzzle. </p>
<p>“Was it difficult?” He asked instead.</p>
<p>Jaypaw blinked, “What?”</p>
<p>“Was it difficult to walk through Windclan?”</p>
<p>The question threw him for a loop, Crowfeather had to more firmly steer him through the ever denser forest while his paws grew clumsier. Once Jaypaw processed it, however, that prickly temper surged anew.</p>
<p>“Because I’m blind? You think I have trouble just walking in a straight line?” He said through a snarl.</p>
<p>Crowfeather wondered if his father had been so angry in his youth, if it was only an unfortunate shared characteristic among cats who had something to prove from the minute they were born. Or perhaps it was some even more unfortunate clash between Crowfeather’s temperament and an eternally wounded pride.</p>
<p>“My father,” Crowfeather said, “He died when I was young, but he was born with a twisted foot. I wondered if navigating Windclan was difficult for him.”</p>
<p>Jaypaw, to his credit, was better than Breezepaw at recognizing when to avoid tearing certain topics to shreds, even if he was still clearly stewing in unforgiving thoughts within the confines of his mind. </p>
<p>When he spoke, he did so carefully.</p>
<p>“The mud and rabbit holes, I tripped a few times.”</p>
<p>Crowfeather couldn’t help it, he laughed flat in the kit’s face.</p>
<p>Blinding pain was an instantaneous follow up, burning through the tip of his tail and sending his heart into double time. Crowfeather’s chuckles broke into a yelp as he spun around, eyes wide.</p>
<p>Jaypaw’s needle fangs were buried deep in his long tail, his head twisted with the force of his thrashing, eyes narrowed slits of fury. Bloodlust was thick in the air and the kit’s entire body rumbled in his growl.</p>
<p>“Get off, <em> get off </em> !” Crowfeather shrieked, yanking his tail away as hard as he could, until he was sure it was going to <em> tear </em>.</p>
<p>Jaypaw lost his grip and went tumbling into the dust. He landed near-silently in a lump of silver fluff and broken twigs, limbs askew and ears rotating madly.</p>
<p>Crowfeather didn’t hesitate, surging over the Thunderclan apprentice and slamming him back into the earth in a pin. His claws weren’t sheathed, prickling over the kit’s skin where he had them pressed into his shoulders and belly. </p>
<p>He leaned in, dropping his muzzle until he was breathing hot air against Jaypaw’s throat, those ears abruptly pricked into stillness and his whole body froze.</p>
<p>They didn’t speak for a moment, harsh pants filling up the empty space between them. Even the birds and mice went silent, watching the tense scene unfold.</p>
<p>“...sorry.”</p>
<p>Shock rippled through Jaypaw’s body in a shiver, deep blue eyes straining to meet his own. They only missed by scant centimeters. </p>
<p>“What was that?” He hissed.</p>
<p>Crowfeather sheathed his claws, bravely ignoring the sharp tang of copper in the air and the burning pain still pulsing through the end of his poor tail.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t laughing at you- well, I <em> was- </em>“ </p>
<p>He pressed down harder when Jaypaw tried to snap at him, a growl rumbling underneath his paws. </p>
<p>“<em> Listen </em> ! I <em> was </em> laughing at you, but not because you’re blind. Every Windclan apprentice makes that same complaint, it’s practically a rite of passage for new apprentices to trip flat on their face in a rabbit hole and come whining back to camp about it. It takes a while for warriors to learn how to walk around them, especially while hunting.”</p>
<p>Jaypaw’s growl didn’t subside, but he was listening. Eyes unblinking and muscles slowly relaxing into the forest floor.</p>
<p>“I bet they didn’t trip as much as me, or end up in the mud. Don’t lie to save your pelt, mousebrain.” He grumbled venomously. </p>
<p>Crowfeather huffed, “I’m not lying. And my pelt isn’t at risk right now, <em> apprentice </em>. The medicine den gets one sprained leg a year when we’re lucky, and Heatherpaw slipped straight down a hill just two weeks ago. She ended up dunking into the lake to get all that mud off.”</p>
<p>He glanced down at his paws, the rumble was easing. </p>
<p>“Why are you even telling me this? It’s stupid to tell the enemy weaknesses, I’ll use it against you.</p>
<p>Crowfeather eased up off Jaypaw, settling into a loose stance a few feet away as the apprentice levered himself upright. His coat was a wreck, all short scruffs and ruffles like there was no set direction to his fur.</p>
<p>“Somehow I think Windclan will manage,” He said dryly, “The worst you could do would be telling Heatherpaw I told you about that, she was very embarrassed.”</p>
<p>Jaypaw didn’t make another aggressive move, stretching in a long arch and then standing peaceably where he was. There was a nasty look on his face, still.</p>
<p>“As soon as I go to my first Gathering I’ll find Heatherpaw and tell her, then,” He said, like a challenge.</p>
<p>Crowfeather swiped at his ears with sheathed claws, causing the kit to bounce back with a squeak. </p>
<p>“Well now I know who to thank if my apprentice comes hunting for my head during the next full moon,” He growled.</p>
<p>The apprentice held still for a moment, blind eyes wide and uncertain. He searched for something in whatever he sensed of Crowfeather, he could feel himself being weighed thoughtfully, considered where he stood. </p>
<p>Jaypaw came to a conclusion then, though Crowfeather couldn’t say what, for his ears flattened and he came bounding back to spray loose pebbles and dirt across Crowfeather’s flank, stinging in his eyes. </p>
<p>“I’d like to see you try, in a month’s time I’ll be twice the warrior you are!”</p>
<p>Crowfeather hid a snort under a low yowl and batted at the kit, shoving him back on his haunches, “Dream on, brat.”</p>
<p>Jaypaw didn’t falter a second time, darting to nip at Crowfeather’s legs but missing by half a foot. He leaned in to swipe along his side and guide him nearer, and the next nip brushed his back legs.</p>
<p>Crowfeather circled wide, diving in to knock into his backside and backing off as the apprentice spun around to bat at the air. He circled back out again and repeated the maneuver much to Jaypaw’s indignation.</p>
<p>“Stop with the cheap tricks!” He demanded, giving the air in front of his nose an angry snap of teeth. Crowfeather’s poor tail twinged. </p>
<p>“How are they cheap? It shouldn’t make a difference which angle I’m coming from if you’re not relying on sight.”</p>
<p>“I can’t tell where you are if you move away like that,” He swiped after Crowfeather as he circled out again, creeping around the kit.</p>
<p>“You find me by listening, right? So listen for a cat coming up behind you too.”</p>
<p>He jabbed again, catching on Jaypaw’s tail and sending him scampering away, pure frustration on his face. </p>
<p>“That’s too hard!” He snarled, “Just stay still so I can claw your stupid face off.”</p>
<p>He was good at skidding back into Crowfeather’s space and using the natural forest debris to his advantage. His poor nursery mates had probably been the test subjects for that particular attack, it stank of kitten mischief.</p>
<p>While Crowfeather was busy coughing up dead grass Jaypaw got in a solid blow to his side, throwing his balance off.</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Crowfeather allowed, he didn’t know how difficult it was to listen for pawsteps in a spar. He circled out and circled back in. </p>
<p>“But it would put the fear of Starclan into your opponents if you caught them in the act,” He dove in to swipe and this time, Jaypaw spun ahead of time.</p>
<p>The clack of his teeth slamming shut right against the soft hair in Crowfeather’s ears had him rolling away almost before he could catch himself, skittering in the dust. </p>
<p>“Ah,” He sighed gustily, watching the apprentice narrow back in on him with pricked ears and frustration bristling down his back.</p>
<p>“That was a good shot.”</p>
<p>Jaypaw twitched, “I didn’t even touch you.”</p>
<p>“You were close enough that I had to back off, good but not great.”</p>
<p>He crouched low, muscles bunching threateningly, “What’s great, then?”</p>
<p>Crowfeather circled out, then circled in, conscious of the pricked sooty grey ears following his movements. Once he’d found an angle he hadn’t used yet, where those ears swiveled to find him again, he pounced. </p>
<p>Jaypaw was knocked clean off his paws, sprawling with a shriek and wild flurry of claws that caught nothing but bracken. </p>
<p>“That’s <em> great </em>.”</p>
<p>He waited for the apprentice to scramble to his feet, anger and a scrappy sort of competitiveness beating in his eyes. </p>
<p>“That’s what you call great?” Jaypaw blustered, ears already trained back on him and body loose and low. He recovered quickly. </p>
<p>“You could get the same effect just tripping into a cat, try it again and I’ll-“</p>
<p>Jaypaw’s words trailed off abruptly as the sharp fresh scent of a Thunderclan patrol barreled in, reeking of displeasure and narrowing distance. Crowfeather’s fur stiffened automatically, pulse quickening in his ears.</p>
<p>Seconds later, Thunderclan invaded through the trees, stout well-muscled bodies pounding into the tiny clearing Crowfeather and Jaypaw had made for themselves. </p>
<p>Squirrelflight’s distinctive ginger pelt commanded his immediate attention as she bounded up to Jaypaw with a cry of relief, sweeping him up in her considerable fluff. </p>
<p>“Crowfeather?” He was distracted by a voice he hadn’t heard in many moons.</p>
<p>Stormfur padded toward him, confusion plain on his gentle Riverclan features. He looked well, pebble-grey fur silky and clean and just enough like his sister that it still hurt a tiny bit to stare directly at him.</p>
<p>“Where did you find him?” Squirrelflight asked, fretting and nosing over the kit still, “were you attacked?”</p>
<p>“Attacked?”</p>
<p>“You smell like blood,” Stormfur explained, giving him a polite sniff, “Just a bit, but it’s there.”</p>
<p>Oh. Embarrassment wormed a home into his heart, heat flooded under his pelt as he recalled exactly how Jaypaw’s little sparring match had begun.</p>
<p>“That was me,” The runt burst out far too proudly, “He didn’t see me coming at all.”</p>
<p>And why would he, when he was in the presence of a tiny blind kit from a different clan? It would never have happened in a hundred years had Jaypaw possessed half the intelligence Crowfeather expected of any normal cat.</p>
<p>It was then that the patrol noticed the saliva and blood encrusting the tip of his tail and that their precious hellion hadn’t a scratch on him, the moment was commemorated by a joint intake of air. Less a shocked gasp and more a sympathetic wince, he didn’t appreciate the difference.</p>
<p>“Jaypaw!” Squirrelflight hissed, high and angry, “What possessed you to do that to a fully grown Windclan warrior, especially the one <em> escorting </em> you to camp!”</p>
<p>The kit shrunk under her fury, properly cowed for the first time since he’d been fished from the lake. Crowfeather thought he deserved a good thrashing as well, but his traitorous mouth opened up anyway.</p>
<p>“Nothing to worry about, I already made sure to repay him.” The kit was filthy now, fur an assortment of cowlicks and tangles threaded with the undergrowth around them. It would take ages to groom out and he would be sure to wake up sore and exhausted after such a long day. He hoped Jaypaw would think of him during the punishing morning cleanup on the horizon.</p>
<p>Stormfur frowned, “You didn’t...attack him, did you?” He spoke doubtfully enough that Crowfeather made a gracious attempt not to be too insulted by the accusation. </p>
<p>“If I had I wouldn’t have done it in the heart of Thunderclan and left him with that sharp tongue intact,” He snapped. </p>
<p>“I had him spilling Windclan battle tactics,” Jaypaw said, “I hope this cat wasn’t important during the Great Journey, he can’t keep quiet to save his life.”</p>
<p>“That’s rich coming from you,” He sneered right back, and the two engaged in a short staring contest that shouldn’t have been as effective as it was given one participant couldn’t see.</p>
<p>Squirrelflight gave the kit a none-too-gentle cuff, breaking off the contest and silencing any complaints with a truly heartfelt hiss.</p>
<p>When she rounded on him, Crowfeather attempted to look less apprehensive than he felt.</p>
<p>“Not that we don’t appreciate you finding him, but could you tell me how you ended up with Jaypaw?” She said wryly. Squirrelflight was far too short to make him feel so small, but there was no fighting the effect.</p>
<p>“He wandered into Windclan territory,” He mumbled, “I had to fish him out of the lake.”</p>
<p>But saying that rekindled his earlier anger, Jaypaw had almost <em> died </em> and it had taken his clan the good part of an hour to reach him. Whether or not Jaypaw had potential as a fully fledged warrior, leaving an underweight blind kit alone and unsupervised was asking for tragedy.</p>
<p>“Do your kits always go out by themselves?”</p>
<p>She flinched minutely, he stared back. </p>
<p>“I’m not a kit; I’m an apprentice!” Jaypaw cried, blind to the barest hints of hostility tinging the atmosphere. Squirrelflight swished her bushy tail across his nose to silence him, eyes never leaving Crowfeather.</p>
<p>“Crowfeather,” She said coolly, “I believe Windclan once had cats who went wandering farther than they should.”</p>
<p><em> Ah </em>. That hurt, the familiar lance of agony met its mark and pierced his heart dead on. His lungs emptied of air and the sweet scent of Leafpool, hated and loved, swept down his pelt like a scar he’d never grow out of. </p>
<p>Squirrelflight watched with something like satisfaction, sharp enough to see the quiet pain shroud over him where even some clanmates missed it.</p>
<p>She forgot, though. Anger was just as familiar a shroud, quick to follow even the worst of his pain, and that temper just might run true through <em> every </em> cat in his line.</p>
<p>His attention fixed back on Jaypaw. He took in his deep Ashfoot-blue eyes, whipcord tail, lean body, and pointed features. </p>
<p>Slowly, purposefully, he returned to Squirrelflight. To her short, plump frame, small ears, and thick fur. To her bright, ginger coloring and leaf-green eyes. To she who looked like Jaypaw’s opposite in almost every way.</p>
<p>
  <em> You two look nothing alike. </em>
</p>
<p>He let that thought sit there on his face and watched.</p>
<p>At first there was blankness, confusion, but he was patient. He watched and waited, staring her down.</p>
<p>Then, like the first rays of dawn breaking across the moor, realization crested over her head. Something very close to terror wracked through Squirrelflight’s entire body from nose to tail. It stayed put, fear-scent acrid and unmoving.</p>
<p>Crowfeather watched and preened, because he was <em> right </em>.</p>
<p>Vindication burned like a sun in his chest, too blinding to bother with indecision or panic, all he felt was the overwhelming pleasure of being right. Of knowing it was another who was wrong, he so rarely got to feel that in his own camp.</p>
<p>“You should get Jaypaw back to camp. He almost drowned, and the water was freezing,” Crowfeather suggested.</p>
<p>“Y-yes, I should,” She said, a little distantly.</p>
<p>With a glance to Stormfur, who was watching his clanmate, and a glance to Jaypaw, who appeared utterly oblivious and was only staring in Crowfeather’s direction, he started for the camp.</p>
<p>To Squirrelflight’s credit, she didn’t say anything about him following them after his escort was complete. Even she knew, it seemed, that he wasn’t going home until he’d seen Leafpool.</p>
<p>He wasn't going home until his kit was going <em> with him. </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Crowfeather, internally: AHHHHHHHHH LEAFPOOL WHY DID YOU DUMP ME IS THAT MY ILLEGITIMATE SON???</p>
<p>Squirrelflight, internally: AHHHHHHHHH HE KNOWS HE KNOWS WE ARE GOING TO DIE RED ALERT ALL SYSTEMS GO-</p>
<p>Jaypaw the empath: *spiritually staring out of a rainy car window dreaming of a better place*</p>
<p>Stormfur: so should we get McDonalds on our way back?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. What if this storm ends (and I don't see you)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Crowfeather goes through 2.5 mental breakdowns and makes some of the hardest and easiest decisions of his life.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the wait! This took a while to plot out.</p>
<p>It’s all fun and games until I remember that Leafpool’s little web of lies has SEVEN directly related characters involved and that’s not counting the secondary cast with some Strong Opinions on the subject. No wonder the Erins avoided a cathartic confrontation like the plague. </p>
<p>I couldn’t in good conscious not include Crowfeather with his other kids so this became GIGANTIC, please bear with me.</p>
<p>I should probably state here that I in no way hate Leafpool or think she’s dumb or selfish for her choices. This is from Crowfeather’s pov so it’s not flattering, but I think Leafpool lived a very lonely life because Starclan was utterly incompetent and trapped her there. </p>
<p>She was deliberately mislead to run away with Crowfeather only for Starclan to gaslight her about it later, then she was forced to remain medicine cat, and then, despite living in a clan large enough to have two medicine cats on call if not three, she still isn’t allowed to have a family. </p>
<p>I just- Her life sucked. </p>
<p>Also Hollyleaf hasn’t centered her very existence on power through connections and the Code yet so while she is Deeply Pissed Off at Leafpool, she’s still a kitten who thinks she wants to be a prophet. No serial killing or whatever.</p>
<p>Oh and I don’t hate Firestar either, I just think his gentle pacificism thing probably makes him sooo weird to other clan cats. I believe the Erins have gone on record to say other leaders felt they were living in the shadow of his competence and achievements but I don’t buy it. </p>
<p>Intimidating and really hard to understand all the way- where does he store the suicidal amounts of pride? Is that why he’s so small? Was he born without it??</p>
<p>I haven’t read these books in years but I thiiiink Brambleclaw never mentions Hawkfrost like, ever? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m running under the assumption Hawkfrost kind of randomly turns up dead during a skirmish and everyone shrugged it off.</p>
<p>Btw I was looking up Crow’s extended family for some double-checking and HOW did I not know his dad was black and green-eyed? Leafpool really did just 3D print two fully Windclan cats and one Thunderclan gladiator.</p>
<p>One last thing- This has <a>fanart!</a> Check it out!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As soon as wide amber eyes and a single set of swirling tabby stripes came into view, Crowfeather’s vision faded to grayscale.</p>
<p>“...Crowfeather.”</p>
<p>He’d plowed straight into Thunderclan camp to confront her, to demand the truth and his child. He had let his anger and confidence power his steps past every wary gaze and hostile crouch, but just the sight of Leafpool standing in the soft light of her medicine den was a stunning blow.</p>
<p>Where a storm of finely chosen words had brewed since he started for the Thunderclan border, now there was a chaotic maelstrom that held nothing but half-remembered notions and exposed nerves.</p>
<p>Time passed at a crawl and yet he could only gape like a stunned mouse. The onslaught of conflicting emotions cresting over his head scattered his senses and left him dumb and mute in its wake. So much grief and pain and soured yearning, was it possible to love and hate a cat so deeply? He didn’t think his body was big enough to fit both.</p>
<p>Jaypaw brushed past him with a curious look and plodded before his medicine cat, looking every bit as bedraggled as a morning could leave him. </p>
<p>Crowfeather was grateful for his distraction because as soon as Leafpool realized who he’d brought with him she stopped staring at him with those sad eyes that gouged deeper than eagle talons and instead rushed to the kit’s side.</p>
<p>“You’re safe!” She breathed, nosing him further into the den with relief pouring off of her in waves.</p>
<p>Crowfeather watched the apprentice nod tiredly and allow her mothering with a relaxed air about him. Their tabby stripes were identical, thin, and arranged sparingly. He had her nose too, a gentle peach pink where his own was coal-black. Where Squirrelflight’s was pale and her mate’s even more so.</p>
<p>Sisters or no, he was incredulous Thunderclan hadn’t caught on to his son’s true parentage. Firestar’s daughters looked nothing like each other and that distinction ran true in their kit as well.</p>
<p>“Jaypaw!” A young cry interrupted his reverie as another cat sprinted out from the depths of the medicine den. A black she-cat that smelled strongly of herbs and joy emerged seamlessly from the shadows, small enough that she was probably Leafpool’s apprentice.</p>
<p>The newcomer almost crashed headlong into Jaypaw in her rush to nuzzle him, pressing her entire body into his own and nearly obscuring his face in her long coat. </p>
<p>“You look half-drowned!”</p>
<p>Under her enthusiastic weight, his son sank to the ground in silence. He looked utterly exhausted and Crowfeather supposed he should feel guilty for sparring with the kit in this state. However, he had to admit his confrontation would go much smoother if he could speak while Jaypaw was asleep and his actions had only hastened the apprentice’s crash.</p>
<p>“Fetch some thyme, Hollypaw,” Leafpool ordered, and just as quickly as she appeared, the apprentice darted back into the black of their storage.</p>
<p>Crowfeather sat, tucking his tail across his paws, and waited quietly. Leafpool corrected a few mistakes and once Jaypaw was treated, Hollypaw curled around the blind kit to fight a chill. </p>
<p>His blue eyes closed with a raspy purr and his kit was asleep in moments.</p>
<p>Crowfeather took his chance, medicine cat apprentice be damned. The truth was an impatient bird bursting from his throat and he wasn’t willing to snap his jaws shut any longer.</p>
<p>“I know, Leafpool.”</p>
<p>Like he’d summoned it directly, stark terror choked up the den immediately. Leafpool’s ears pinned back and her amber eyes were rounder than the moon. There was no lying out of this, not with how much guilt was swelling up within the cramped den. Starclan, he hadn’t even told her what he knew and she already looked as though he were arranging her public execution.</p>
<p>Fury kindled, sparking low in his chest. He prowled forward, tail sweeping along the dusty floor.</p>
<p>“You lied to me, but I found out anyway. What do you have to say to me now?”</p>
<p>The apprentice was quiet, no doubt confused and anxious, but her mentor didn’t send her away. Leafpool didn’t seem to remember she was there. Frozen like a deer on the monsterpath, tracking his every movement as if it would be her doom to lose the sense of him. </p>
<p>He allowed the audience, he almost <em> wanted it </em>. Wanted to leave behind some witness of this conversation, of how Leafpool had stolen from him, of how he’d come back for his family.</p>
<p>“H-how did you…” She rasped, bone dry in the cool air.</p>
<p>“I fished him out of the lake with my son,” He ignored her sharp intake, “You haven’t seen him, but they both take after <em> me </em>.”</p>
<p>Leafpool could only stammer about Breezepaw becoming an apprentice and so it wasn’t difficult to hear Hollypaw’s own shocked gasp. </p>
<p>“You think you’re our <em> father </em>?”</p>
<p>For the second time that day, the world lurched to a halt.</p>
<p>He swung away from Leafpool, turning so sharply he almost tripped over his own paws to get a good look at the apprentice cuddling with his son.  </p>
<p>Had she said what he thought she said? Had she meant what he <em> thought </em> she meant? </p>
<p>“Who are you?” He demanded not two inches from her coal-black nose.</p>
<p>But she needn’t have answered. Not now that he was no longer distracted by her mentor and her brother and could take her in for what she was. </p>
<p>Not when she was the spitting image of his father, from her lithe, long-legged build to her pine green eyes. It was like seeing him restored in Starclan, so much of him healthy and hale and looking back at Crowfeather with kitten youth. The likeness was uncanny, even with his memory dimmed in the years since Deadfoot’s death, he could see him so clearly in Hollypaw.</p>
<p>Ashfoot would adore her for that alone, she dearly missed those green eyes in Windclan. </p>
<p>“Daughter,” It left his mouth before he could stop it, too soft and raw for an apprentice whose reality was crumbling before her narrow face. It wasn’t what he should have said, but he had a <em> daughter </em>. Wonder swam in his vision, a second sun of joy in his heart.</p>
<p>She got up, quick enough to jostle the still prone Jaypaw, and backed away from him. Her whole body vibrated with distress, the whites of her eyes glinted.</p>
<p>“No, no you’re crazy,” She spat, “My father is Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight would <em> never </em> betray him like that.”</p>
<p>Leafpool stepped in then, so much agony in her eyes as she draped her tail lightly over the kit’s shoulders. Hollypaw didn’t shrug her off, but only just.</p>
<p>“It’s a lot to talk in,” She said, “And you’re right, Squirrelflight would never do that to Brambleclaw.”</p>
<p>For just a second, hope brimmed in Hollypaw, but Leafpool wasn’t cruel enough to let it linger.</p>
<p>“She’s not your mother either. She took you in to protect me and kept it a secret from everyone, including you. I’m afraid your real parents are a foolish medicine cat and a Windclan warrior.”</p>
<p>“...what?”</p>
<p>All three cats glanced up at the intruder, a broad-shouldered apprentice with golden eyes stretched wide enough to take up the entirety of his face. </p>
<p>“I-,” The cat stammered, creeping into the den like he was being dragged against his will. A mouse lay forgotten at the mouth of the medicine den.</p>
<p>“I came to check on Jaypaw. He was hurt? I don’t- What are you saying?”</p>
<p>“This is Lionpaw, Crowfeather.” Leafpool gave the dumb-founded apprentice a lick on the forehead and pushed him up against Hollypaw. They shared the space comfortably, pressing their pelts together in clear solidarity. </p>
<p>A notion rose to the surface of his mind, but he was quick to dismiss it. A son and a daughter, that’s what he was here for. Leafpool couldn’t have possibly hidden a pregnancy if-</p>
<p>“This is your firstborn son.”</p>
<p>If ever there were a limit for how many times earth could cease rotating, <em> three </em> should be that limit.</p>
<p>In fact, he was fairly sure there was something wrong with the earth now, the ground beneath his paws was picking up speed, threatening to buck him off. Gravity lurched in and out of place, yanking him back and forth. A buzz picked up in his ears, louder and louder until he was sure he should be seeing a swarm of bees above his head.</p>
<p>But there was nothing, just Leafpool’s face swimming before his eyes, blurry and speaking so slowly.</p>
<p>“-feather? Are-“</p>
<p>Jaypaw, Hollypaw, <em> Lionpaw- </em> Starclan help him, Crowfeather felt like he was choking. This was too much, it was too much! This morning he’d woken up with a single son he loved with all his being and gnawing grief for what could’ve been with Leafpool and what <em> should’ve </em> been with the kits Nightcloud lost and couldn’t bear to name.</p>
<p>This morning he’d woken up content with what he had, if not always satisfied with how he got it. And now, and <em> now </em>.</p>
<p>Something was going to explode, be it in his chest where his heart was pounding hard enough to bruise against his ribs, or his head where he was a hair away from bleeding from his ears if the migraine digging its claws in deep meant anything. </p>
<p>“-aying, Leafpool? You lied to-“</p>
<p>“-e happening. I can’t acce-“</p>
<p>What ending up exploding wasn’t his heart or his head. As always, it was his temper.</p>
<p>“<em> Three? </em> ” He shrieked, throwing open eyes he hadn’t known he squeezed shut to glare wildly at the only cat he’d ever met who could grind him down to his base, wretched <em> core </em> over and over again like it was a <em> game </em>.</p>
<p>She flinched back, panic flashing.</p>
<p>“Wait, not so-“</p>
<p>“You tried to hide <em> three </em> of my children from me?’ Crowfeather roared right over her, too enraged to listen to her warbling attempts to hide her sins.</p>
<p>“Did you hate me that much? Did you hate <em> them </em> that much? Were you just going to raise them as warriors in an enemy clan and <em> watch </em> us tear into each other at the next border skirmish?” </p>
<p>“That’s enough!” Leafpool cut in sharply, “I didn’t think you’d want to know after we agreed to stay-“</p>
<p>Crowfeather snarled savagely, true, soul-deep hurt latching on a vein and pumping venom through his body.</p>
<p>“You don’t get to decide what I want! You don’t get to decide what I <em> wanted </em> ! <em> You </em> left <em> me </em> , don’t pretend it was anything else. You left first, and when I tried one more time <em> you still left. And this time with my kits </em>.” </p>
<p>Deadfoot, were you watching this? Were you watching your son shake apart at the seams? Crowfeather begged for relief, for an escape from the hatred and agony and betrayal yawning out at him.</p>
<p>Leafpool didn’t look any better, she looked sick to her stomach and like she could never imagine a worse moment than what was happening right then. </p>
<p>How dare she look like Crowfeather gutted her when she’d been the first one to cut and the one to cut deepest.</p>
<p>“I had to stay for my clan,” She croaked, “You know that. My clan needed a medicine cat. I couldn’t disgrace myself by having kits after just coming back with you, what would have been the point after sacrificing everything else?” She swallowed and looked to his kits.</p>
<p>Reluctantly, he followed her gaze.</p>
<p>Jaypaw was awake, crouched between his brother and sister. All three were utterly silent, paralyzed like prey between them. They were so small still, barely apprentices. Even Lionpaw who was clearly the most Thunderclan of his siblings was lanky and kitten-soft, only just out of the nursery.</p>
<p>His heart clenched, he’d missed out on their lives, unforgivable moons had passed. But they were kits yet, he hadn’t been too late.</p>
<p>“So I sacrificed one more thing,” Leafpool said, “Motherhood for my clan, it was the most painful thing I’d ever done.”</p>
<p>“So what? What do I care if <em> you </em> hurt? You hurt everyone around you, anyone who dares love you, so why shouldn’t you hurt too? Me, every cat you lied to about your litter, your own <em> kits </em>-“ A horrifying thought crossed his mind. He lurched back, not sure how much more he could take, he was already at the brink.</p>
<p>“There aren’t <em> more </em>, are there?”</p>
<p>“<em> Crowfeather. </em>”</p>
<p>Once more, all the cats in the medicine den peered toward the entrance in the wake of an intruder. But this wasn’t another stolen son, no awkward tremble or cowed expression in sight.</p>
<p>Firestar, leader of Thunderclan, stood upon the lip of the medicine den. The normally gentle leader could’ve been chiseled from stone, expression utterly forbidding. His fiery red coat seemed to kick off real heat in the high noon sunlight, flames danced up his legs and lit up his eyes.</p>
<p>At his shoulder stood Brambleclaw, nowhere near as guarded as his leader. </p>
<p>As an apprentice, Crowfeather had wandered for weeks with the tom, following a dream and an incomplete prophecy like a wavering star. They traveled miles of unknown territory together, all of them fresh-faced warriors who had never been without leaders in their lives. </p>
<p>Then they had to each double back and haul a dimming, despairing clan to the lake, not mere wanderers then but guides with hundreds of lives at stake. Until today, Crowfeather thought he’d witnessed the measure of Brambleclaw, every expression and subsequent emotion he was capable of.</p>
<p>But now... Crowfeather had never seen Brambleclaw look more <em> lost </em> than he did at that moment. </p>
<p>He understood then. <em> Brambleclaw hadn’t known </em>. Leafpool and Squirrelflight had lied to everyone and Brambleclaw had lived these past months believing Crowfeather’s children to be his own.</p>
<p>Crowfeather wished he could ache for the cat, wished he had the empathy to feel distraught the deputy found out like this. It’s what Brambleclaw deserved at this moment, but it wasn’t something Crowfeather had the capacity to give. Not when he was consumed as he was, wracked in outrage and heartbreak for his own splintered family.</p>
<p>He looked back to Firestar’s piercing leaf-green eyes, overcome with sorrow.</p>
<p>“Firestar, I-“</p>
<p>“Enough,” The leader spoke evenly, and yet his voice seemed to carry across the entirety of the quarry.</p>
<p>It was only then Crowfeather realized the camp was dead-silent. Had been for a while now, when he thought about just how uninterrupted they’d been in the den.</p>
<p>No paw steps or scuffles or murmured voices, it sounded like every soul in Thunderclan had held its breath and hadn’t dared let it go.</p>
<p>“This is something to discuss in private,” Firestar continued, “Follow me.”</p>
<p>Before turning back around, he looked over the three apprentices who hadn’t made a peep in ages, who looked as though they were a sneeze away from being ripped to shreds by dogs, utterly petrified.</p>
<p>“You three as well,” Firestar said, and there was no arguing with him.</p>
<p>Brambleclaw followed at his shoulder, his impressive frame seemed unnaturally dwarfed. Where he usually towered over most other cats, especially his leader, he now looked frail. </p>
<p>Squirrelflight had been stationed a few feet away and took up the rear, bushy tail trailing the ground and ears pinned flat to her head. She hadn’t looked up once, not even to catch the eye of her mate as they passed her by. </p>
<p>Leafpool left the medicine den first, unseeing and stiff, her movements jerky with shock. She placed herself beside her sister and if either of them spoke, it was too low to hear.</p>
<p>Crowfeather looked back to his kits, taking them in again. Each so scared, shaking, and tangled together as they were. They shouldn’t have found out like this either. He had just enough room within himself to regret blurting it out as he had, confronting Leafpool shouldn’t have been his first priority.</p>
<p>“Come along,” He murmured as softly as he could, “You’ll all be fine.”</p>
<p>Three sets of eyes blazed up at him disbelievingly, but they silently crept past him and out of the den. They had no choice, really.</p>
<p>The kits joined the procession and Crowfeather only gazed after their miserable backs for a moment more, mouth bitter with regret, before he followed after them.</p>
<p>So long in the gloom of the medicine den left him ill-prepared for the harsh afternoon rays that blinded him immediately upon stepping into the open. </p>
<p>He blinked wet eyes free of afterimages, clearing his nose of dried herbs only to let the thick stench of Thunderclan cats and all-out hostility swamp him instead.</p>
<p>Once his eyes adjusted, he could see why.</p>
<p>The camp hadn’t been abandoned, in fact, it looked like every cat had frozen in place the moment he’d stepped out of view. Now each one of them was coiled tightly with fear-blown eyes and fangs flashing. Some appeared helplessly confused, others grief-stricken, even more were boiling over with rage. </p>
<p>He sped up, closing in around his kits to shield them in case one of the warriors swiped. </p>
<p>Brightheart was the only one to dare speak, breaking away from her clanmates to trail after Firestar. Her single eye kept flitting from him to her apprentice, expression unreadable with the twists in her flesh.</p>
<p>“Firestar, what is the meaning of this? Why-“</p>
<p>Firestar didn’t speak to her, instead, addressing the whole quarry without slowing down or looking back. </p>
<p>“I will explain on Highledge once I understand everything that has occurred and know what must be done and not a second before that. Go back to your days, nothing has yet changed.”</p>
<p>Reluctantly, his clan obeyed. </p>
<p>Some lashing tails disappeared into the forest, a few restless paws scampered across the fresh-kill pile and disappeared among the shady rocks, and round eyes gleamed from thorny dens tucked into every corner.</p>
<p>No one else interrupted and they wound up brushing past thick bramble barriers and stalking into a long, cool cave that ended in a lavish nest reeking of Firestar and his mate.</p>
<p>Sandstorm was already there, pale pelt blending in with the greys that made up the smooth rock of the leader’s den. Her eyes were flat and icy where Firestar’s burned.</p>
<p>Brambleclaw joined her, a ghost of himself with a distant expression fixed to his face. He remained respectfully straight and to-attention, but something in the way he sat gave the impression he was leaning into her strength. With a light tap of her tail, she allowed him into her space. </p>
<p>Crowfeather’s kits made no move to join their not-father or Sandstorm, nor to drift against a wall like Leafpool and Squirrelflight were. So they wound up sitting in front of Crowfeather, close enough that he could curl his tail around them if he wished to. He didn’t touch them, but he liked to believe there was trust to read there.</p>
<p>“Why are you here, Crowfeather?” Firestar asked bluntly, arranging himself at the center of the cave.</p>
<p>Crowfeather swallowed, his throat clicked audibly.</p>
<p>“To claim my kits,” He said. </p>
<p>Firestar stared at him, searching for something much like Jaypaw had done only this morning. His silent regard stretched on for hours in the stale air of the cave, where every breath could be heard if only Crowfeather strained his ears. It was infinitely more unnerving even with his seeing eyes and unaggressive posture. </p>
<p>Firestar looked into his very soul, there was no kit’s obliviousness there, Crowfeather felt wholly read and far too vulnerable waiting for the leader to pass judgment without even knowing his crime. He held himself still and prayed his rabbiting heartbeat couldn’t be heard as well.</p>
<p>The intensity faded slowly, with an aggravating sort of languidness. He hated that he didn’t know what the leader found to his satisfaction, what weakness he might try to exploit.</p>
<p>He jerked his chin up, kept his eyes steady on Firestar. He didn’t dare flash fangs or claws in the heart of Thunderclan, but he was a proud Windclan warrior and he wouldn’t allow himself to be toyed with even surrounded as he was. </p>
<p>Feeling distinctly like a fox cub bluffing before hounds, Crowfeather let a warning growl prickle in his throat. <em> Back off </em>.</p>
<p>Sandstorm curled a lip and both her daughters shuffled restlessly in the oppressive atmosphere. However, no one made a move to rebuke him.</p>
<p>Firestar regarded his bristling fur and then, ever so subtly, dipped his head as if they were diplomatic placations instead.</p>
<p>“Tell me everything.”</p>
<p>The cave stilled, all eyes on Crowfeather. His pelt instantly began to heat under the attention, every flick of his ears and twitch of his whiskers intensely scrutinized from a half-dozen angles. </p>
<p>Crowfeather swallowed again, he felt parched all of a sudden. He risked a glance away from Firestar, back to his kits. They had shifted to watch him, still close enough to touch. </p>
<p>Hollypaw looked more curious than upset, her whole body utterly still as she waited to understand what had happened to position her as the false daughter of Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw. Lionpaw kept shifting and shuffling, painfully anxious. Jaypaw stared him down with focus sharp enough to cut and it was an impressive feat considering he missed Crowfeather’s eyes by two inches.</p>
<p>He allowed himself to imagine Breezepaw there with them, slouched in as casually as he might have with his own litter had they survived. For just a second, an indulgence before ripping open every old wound he’d ever gained to spill the truth. </p>
<p>Breezepaw would look natural arranged with his half-siblings, Crowfeather was sure. Among Hollypaw’s pitch coloring, Jaypaw’s wiry frame, and Lionpaw’s amber eyes, he’d easily pass as a full-blooded brother. </p>
<p>He wanted to see that, wanted it <em> badly </em>.</p>
<p>That want seared behind his ribs, not eradicating his fear and pain, but making them bearable. He could do this, the past had splintered his heart into so many shards that three had slipped his notice. Now that he knew, it was his responsibility to gather them up again and finally, <em> finally </em> move past his mistakes. </p>
<p>He could be resolute just this once, for his vision of the future.</p>
<p>And so, between his own terse account, Leafpool’s confession, and Squirrelflight’s corroboration, the twisted tale was finally laid bare.</p><hr/>
<p>The sun dipped low in the sky by the time Firestar let them leave his den, all of them hoarse and drooping as they trailed back out into the quarry.</p>
<p>Crowfeather had never felt so exhausted in his life. He had brought himself to his limit, gritting out every action he’d taken since gaining his warrior name no matter how it burned to even recall. The Thunderclan leader had been implacably serene as Crowfeather see-sawed between vitriol and hard-won stoicism and somehow that was even more taxing than if Firestar had been just as ragged as the rest of them.</p>
<p>His mask had been so polished it was a mirror instead and Crowfeather felt twice as fragile after the fact, fit to crumble in on himself like an abandoned tunnel.</p>
<p>But he wasn’t done yet.</p>
<p>Squirrelflight immediately split from the group, sprinting through camp so desperately she almost crashed headlong into a returning patrol. She barely recovered before mutely hurtling into the bracken in a blur of ginger and vanishing from sight, no doubt searching out the deepest hole she could hide in without leaving her territory.</p>
<p>Or even past that if he were lucky, Crowfeather was too tired to suppress that mean wish.</p>
<p>Sandstorm sighed, low and weary, but she didn’t pursue. Instead, she brushed against her mate’s flank on her way down to the center of the quarry, right before Highledge. </p>
<p>Her presence drew attention as it was meant to, and a cluster of elders and queens soon joined her, peering inquisitively up at the Highledge as a low murmur began to build.</p>
<p>Firestar strode up to the top of Highledge, stalking to the very edge of jagged stone in order to survey the entirety of his camp. His presence was announced dramatically with the blinding glare of his red fur against the sun on his back and it drew many more onlookers without a word. Poor pallid Onestar usually had to screech to achieve the same effect, Crowfeather noted with faint amusement.</p>
<p>Brambleclaw hung back at an obligatory place beside his leader and Leafpool crept in beside him, neither looking at the other.</p>
<p>“Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather before Highledge for a clan meeting!” Firestar yowled.</p>
<p>Before the first word had even left his mouth numbers rivaling the entirety of Windclan were already eagerly pushing in. The murmur only rose in volume as a dam burst and a flood of <em> more </em> cats came pouring out into the center of camp, prowling warriors and tepid apprentices the very last to join and keeping to the outskirts where they could survey the crowd. </p>
<p>Thunderclan really had a ridiculous amount of cats, Crowfeather couldn’t believe he’d forgotten.</p>
<p>Still, he squared his shoulders and leaned down ever so slightly.</p>
<p>“Do you need help following us?” He whispered to Jaypaw.</p>
<p>His son swat at him in the next moment, buffeting an ear with a mercifully sheathed paw.</p>
<p>“I can find my way up, I’m not <em> stupid </em>,” He snarled, tiny gray paw hanging in the air like a threat.</p>
<p>Crowfeather resisted the urge to knock the brat clean off the rock for the simple pleasure of watching him bounce all the way down. It was a near thing, Starclan forgive him.</p>
<p>“I was referring to the way you traveled across both Thunderclan and Windclan and almost drowned, mouse-brain. You’re wobbling.”</p>
<p>Jaypaw’s blind eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to spit something else when Lionpaw swept in and buffered Jaypaw away from the edge of the rock. </p>
<p>He peered up at Crowfeather, expression earnest, “I’ve got him.”</p>
<p>Crowfeather found it within himself to drum out a wavering purr of approval, tired as he was. It grew steadier when his kit looked startled but pleased to accept his affections.</p>
<p>Lionpaw certainly hadn’t inherited any of his own reticence. There was a cheeriness to him that wasn’t native to Windclan and oh, how Crowfeather <em> wished </em>-</p>
<p>He tore himself away as he and his three children squeezed in beside Firestar at the front, subjecting themselves to the scorching attention of the enormous clan. </p>
<p>At least between their leader, three unassuming apprentices, and a Windclan intruder, their interest was divvied up fairly equally.</p>
<p>“I’m sure rumors have reached everyone by now,” Firestar began wryly.</p>
<p>“Is it true then?” A cat in the crowd hollered, well-hidden among easily fifty other Thunderclan cats. Maybe Crowfeather <em> shouldn’t </em> be surprised no one had noticed Windclan features among a sea of faces in a clan this large. He knew Stormfur was half-clan as well but he couldn’t even sparse the tom out when everyone kept shifting restlessly beneath him.</p>
<p>“Are they half-clan?”</p>
<p>Leafpool piped up, voice falteringly soft, “It’s true, I hid it from everyone, including them. Lionpaw, Hollypaw, and Jaypaw are mine and Crowfeather’s kits.”</p>
<p>Her declaration could have been the quietest lightning strike to ever impact the ground given the wave of outraged gasps and cries that rang out. Full-body flinches made the mass of cats sway dizzily before Crowfeather’s eyes.</p>
<p>Firestar was quick to step in, “Leafpool had already denounced her relationship with Crowfeather and had been instated as our sole medicine cat when she found out she was pregnant. She believed keeping it secret was for the good of the clan, there was no one to take her place should she be removed from her position.”</p>
<p>Ears pinned and tails twitched in swathes, they didn’t believe Leafpool kept her broken vows secret for <em> their </em> sake. </p>
<p>“Squirrelflight took pity on her and agreed to pretend to be their mother out of love for her sister. She kept it from Brambleclaw who remains innocent in all of this,” He continued loudly.</p>
<p>“Crowfeather was also unaware-“</p>
<p>Some dark part of Crowfeather preened with the renewed cacophony of shock <em> that </em> inspired, mixing easily with Brambleclaw’s own sympathetic snarls to swell into a collective storm of protests for their sakes. </p>
<p>“-until today. He has come here to stake a claim on Hollypaw, Lionpaw, and Jaypaw.” </p>
<p>Well, that certainly changed things.</p>
<p>It was legitimately shocking to see their sympathies evaporate in an onslaught of unmitigated aggression. The volume of their shrieks could’ve come from a group twice their size and it showed no sign of stopping, practically taking form to toss Crowfeather from his seat with the sheer force of it. </p>
<p>A target for their confusion and betrayal neatly locked its sights on him alone and the violent yowls and threats that roiled through Thunderclan were terrifying in its intensity and creativity. Deafened, he could only stare as warriors and elders alike bellowed out abuse as if he were raiding their nursery before their eyes. </p>
<p>Against his will, his heart pounded a stitch against his ribs and his fur bristled, giving away the fear trickling ice down his spine.</p>
<p>Firestar watched his clan shake apart, infuriatingly passive. Was this how his pain betrayed him? Had he locked it away so tightly he couldn’t bear to even touch his clan’s? He looked as though the forest could catch fire around his ears and he wouldn’t pull himself away from whatever script he clung to in his head.</p>
<p>Just as their cries reached their crescendo, Brambleclaw finally spoke.</p>
<p>“<em> Shut your mouths </em>!”</p>
<p>From his seat above them all, his roar reached the very tops of the quarry, reverberating so loudly it rang from every corner of camp. </p>
<p>Chest heaving, Brambleclaw glared balefully down at his clanmates, each and every one struck silent. </p>
<p>“Your leader is speaking to you, show some respect and <em> listen </em> ,” He said brutally, “Your deputy is with him, show some <em> trust. </em>If Crowfeather were stealing our kits I would be the first in line to deal with him.”</p>
<p>A brave few muttered lowly to themselves at that but Brambleclaw didn’t let up, his yellow eyes brimming with danger. He made for an intimidating sight, hunched over Highledge with muscles coiled like he could spring at any moment.</p>
<p>The mutters eased away and Crowfeather could almost visibly see the clan reigning itself in. Resentfully, but still pulling tighter and straighter in unison.</p>
<p>Finally a gold and graying tabby spoke up, “So Crowfeather came here just to expose his kits as half-clan?”</p>
<p>Crowfeather snorted, “No.”</p>
<p>“He came here wishing to bring them to Windclan. Graystripe wanted much the same and briefly joined Riverclan to be with his own children when Leopardstar denied him if you’re old enough to recall.” Firestar said, tone softening nostalgically.</p>
<p>Crowfeather didn’t know the stolen deputy, but he apparently held a good reputation if the dozen cooling tempers beneath him meant anything. He finally spotted Stormfur when the tom bowed his head at the mention of his father, whiskers drooping.</p>
<p>A pure white cat with fur even longer than Whitetail blinked up at his leader, “So...Crowfeather wishes to join Thunderclan?”</p>
<p>Crowfeather couldn’t imagine a worse arrangement, stuck in an enemy camp with Leafpool and willfully abandoning his clan, his mate, and his youngest son. </p>
<p>“<em> No. </em>” He said with great feeling.</p>
<p>“I will never force a cat from this clan for their kin,” Firestar reminded, “And I won’t force a cat to remain here for those reasons either. Lionpaw, Hollypaw, and Jaypaw are apprentices now and I believe they’re old enough to decide what should be done with their futures.”</p>
<p>Crowfeather sneered. Firestar said it so calmly like it hadn’t been something he almost took him to blows over.</p>
<p>
  <em> “That’s just talk! You know as well as I do they’ll pick the clan they grew up in without ever knowing what they’ll miss in Windclan without having spent time there!” He screamed. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I won’t force them to leave for your sake, Crowfeather.” </em>
</p>
<p><em> His claws glinted dully, scraping grooves into the thin dirt lining the floor, “So instead you’ll let kits stay with a mother who gave them up and kin that lied to them their whole lives and just </em> pray <em> they’ll find happiness as the clan dirty secret?” </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “If they find they’re unhappy with their decision, I’ll hope your own clan welcomes them as warmly as you claim.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Firestar had no idea how close he was to gaining another nick in his ear, Sandstorm wouldn’t intercept Crowfeather quick enough to stop him. If he just- </em>
</p>
<p>“So we’ll just have even more half-clan cats here, now? Are we even pretending to follow the warrior code anymore?” An icy-eyed tabby snapped. startling Crowfeather back to reality.</p>
<p>Sandstorm broke from her position at the head of the pack in order to sidle up to the tabby and whisper into his ear. What she said shut him up fast and he looked away, lip curled.</p>
<p>“Why don’t we let the apprentices speak for themselves?” Firestar suggested, and backed up slightly so Crowfeather’s kits may place themselves before their leader.</p>
<p>An air of waiting descending on the camp, murmurs quieting once more and every ear straining to pick up their words. </p>
<p>Hollypaw stepped forward first, chin high and so full of bluster she almost made up for the ridge of raised fur trailing from between her shoulders down to the tip of her tail.</p>
<p>Crowfeather watched, proud, and aching for it.</p><hr/>
<p>
  <em> “I don’t want to go,” She said with wide pine green eyes.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Those eyes shot through him like a hare, punching the air clean from his lungs.  </em>
</p>
<p><em> “Don’t be so hasty” He choked, mind racing, “Whatever you’ve heard of us you have kin in Windclan who </em> will <em> be glad to welcome you.” </em></p>
<p>
  <em> It was cruel of him, perhaps unforgivably so with Brambleclaw haunting the cave, but he blustered on, “You would be kin with the deputy there too, Ashfoot is my mother and her word is deeply respected.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> She was already shaking her head, though. Unmoved, perhaps unaware of what her immediate rejection was doing to him. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I want to be a medicine cat,” Hollypaw said, “And Windclan already has an apprentice.” </em>
</p>
<p><em> Bitterness burst through him, “You would choose </em> Leafpool <em> as your mentor after all of this?” </em></p>
<p>
  <em> Her glare was sharper than Jaypaw’s, her anger fiercer at that moment than a bare-leaf blizzard and Crowfeather felt chilled to the bone. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I’ll never forgive her for what she’s done,” Hollypaw hissed, “But I need to learn from her if I’m to replace her as medicine cat.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Leafpool cringed from her daughter and for the first time in many moons, Crowfeather genuinely felt sorry for the life she’d chosen. She could only look forward to countless more in the presence of her daughter who hated her and Crowfeather couldn’t imagine how that stung. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Still, did he have it much better? Hollypaw didn’t appear even remotely interested in learning more about her Windclan kin or heritage. Was he so far removed from her heart that he wasn’t even worth disdain? It hadn’t escaped him that the moment it was clear he wasn’t lying about their connection any strong passions petered out in his direction. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “If you become a Thunderclan medicine cat, there will be precious few opportunities for us to meet again, is Thunderclan worth that?” There was something regrettably feeble and barbed in his question but his daughter didn’t flinch from it. She didn’t even blink. </em>
</p>
<p><em> He tensed, seeing the follow-up refusal coming even as he wanted to fight it back and tear her decision away from her. Her next words would </em> gouge <em> and like a monster on thunderpath, he could only watch it hurtle closer and closer until- </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “Attend every Gathering and I’ll never have to answer that question, will I?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Until it whiffed him, speeding off before he could even understand what had happened. </em>
</p>
<p><em> She met his gaze head-on and without wavering. He could only return the favor, electrified. Had he misread her resolve for apathy? There was nothing complicated looking back at him, just a ridiculous haughtiness that had no business existing in Firestar’s den. </em> Daring <em> him to fail her, utterly expectant that he’d try his hardest to see her every moon until the day he died. </em></p>
<p><em> Crowfeather was </em> charmed <em> . </em></p>
<p>
  <em> Helplessly, he croaked out, “I expect you to be a model apprentice then. No getting held back from Gatherings because you were being foolish.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> She scoffed, puffing her chest up like she was on the cusp of receiving her warrior name and not mere days into her apprenticeship.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Of course.” </em>
</p><hr/>
<p>“I choose to remain in Thunderclan,” Hollypaw announced to the entirety of her clan. Momentum slammed back into place where Crowfeather had previously been weightlessly reeling in his own thoughts, he twitched as the world around him sharpened into focus.</p>
<p>“I will become the next medicine cat under Leafpool’s apprenticeship and serve my clan loyally!”</p>
<p>Her words weren’t met with cheer, but neither were they rejected, all the cats below remained quiet and watchful. Hollypaw dithered at the ledge for a moment, floundering in the silence, before Firestar ushered her to the back so her brothers were neatly lined up for their turn. </p>
<p>“Thunderclan welcomes Hollypaw as our medicine cat apprentice and her place here will not be questioned,” He said, and that at least wrung a couple of congratulatory meows from the audience.</p>
<p>And that was that, as quickly as Hollypaw had drifted between his clan and Leafpool’s, she had been snatched back into the fold. The relief and happiness he could see flashing across her face only made him more wistful.</p>
<p>Crowfeather took the opportunity to butt his head against her cheek, purring into her ear as she brushed past him. When she stilled and blinked up at him, clearly startled, he gave her forehead a quick lick. The sun in his chest was too large, it made his ribs creak and threatened to clog his throat but he fought through it.</p>
<p>“If ever you change your mind, you will always have a home in Windclan,” He vowed in the breaths between them.</p>
<p>Her feathery tail briefly twined with his, “I’ll remember,” she promised. </p>
<p>Then, his daughter stepped away, drifting to sit beside Leafpool and Brambleclaw. </p>
<p>Though the distance was mere feet, the divide was wide enough to feel like miles, to urge him from breaking eye contact in case she disappeared over the horizon. </p>
<p>However, the clan meeting was far from over and he eventually had to leave her beside her mother.</p>
<p>Lionpaw was next, and his paws trembled when he approached the ledge. In the sun beside his grandfather and deputy, he no doubt looked like he belonged with his glimmering golden pelt and bulky frame. Crowfeather knew differently, though, he knew in the windswept ruffle of his fur and his narrow muzzle that it was a lie.</p>
<p>It made it harder to witness his son present himself to Thunderclan, to not bound ahead of him and make them <em> see </em> that there was a place for this apprentice where the sky was boundless and the cats were fierce.</p><hr/>
<p>
  <em> “I...don’t want to leave either,” Lionpaw mumbled to the cave floor. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> A heavy stone dropped into Crowfeather’s stomach, another one? Was he really meant to leave another kit behind? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “You have a brother in Windclan,” He told his son, “His name is Breezepaw, only a moon or two younger than you and he’s never had littermates before. Wouldn’t you like to meet him?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> If Crowfeather wasn’t enough then maybe...maybe… </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Lionpaw curled in on himself, head hanging below his shoulders. When he managed to glance up at Crowfeather, it was through amber eyes narrowed in misery.  </em>
</p>
<p><em> “I </em> do <em> !” He said so earnestly Crowfeather was torn clean down the middle with shame for making his son’s decision so difficult and hope he might yet sway him.  </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “I do, I swear. But I’m Thunderclan. I was born here and all I’ve ever wanted is to be a loyal Thunderclan warrior.” He looked back down at his paws, radiating shame. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I can’t just leave everything behind, even if I am halfclan.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Crowfeather had never so badly wanted to snarl with frustration, his tail whipped back and forth behind him as his son continued to avoid his face. </em>
</p>
<p><em> “You’re young,” He snapped, “You can learn, you’ve only been outside your camp maybe once, you can learn to walk a different territory. You can learn to be a different </em> warrior <em> . You can still be loyal to your clan, being halfclan only means you have more than one to choose from.” </em></p>
<p>
  <em> Lionpaw still wouldn’t look at him, hadn’t been budged an inch, “I’m sorry. But I’m loyal to Thunderclan, my mentor is Ashfur and my clanmates are Thunderclan, and...I’m not unhappy here.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “What about Breezepaw? Are your clanmates more important than your kin?” Crowfeather asked desperately. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Finally, the apprentice raised his head, if only a little. He peeked up at him shyly, whiskers twitching. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I hope...I mean- Can’t we still be kin? I could see him at Gatherings or on patrol. Do we have to stop being kin if I remain loyal to Thunderclan?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He clearly wished to find a resolution similar to Hollypaw’s, but it wouldn’t work. Crowfeather stared at him, sorrow welling up where his frustration could only impotently thrash. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> It couldn’t be the same, not between warriors. Even the friendliest of pairs at the Gathering knew their place should their clan come to blows and could act accordingly, but brothers? No cat should need to make that decision, no warrior should need to harm his kin to prove himself to his clan. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> A dozen nightmares swam in front of him, Lionpaw’s sweet features twisted in hatred and agony, Breezepaw’s unruly pelt ripped to shreds and his claws dyed crimson. One hobbling back to camp after a skirmish and the other laying still in the grass, each ruined by the other. </em>
</p>
<p><em> Overcome, Crowfeather hissed at Firestar, silently commanding he say what a father could not. A cat here needed to acknowledge how twisted this all was before he </em> did <em> end up attempting to steal his kits. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> The leader, much to his fury, looked taken aback. He’d clearly expected that to be the end of the discussion, delusionally optimistic mouse-brain that he was.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Thankfully, Brambleclaw understood what his leader remained oblivious too. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> With strength Crowfeather knew even he couldn’t truly appreciate, the deputy heaved himself out of whatever daze he’d fled to and addressed his once-son with a voice as creaking and flimsy as a rotting log. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Lionpaw. Do you remember Hawkfrost? I’ve told you about him before.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Lionpaw twisted around, ears dropping uncertainly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Yeah. He was, um, my half-uncle? From Riverclan.” </em>
</p>
<p><em> Brambleclaw nodded, old and new grief blanketing him in shadows, “He was. And I was overjoyed to know I had kin to speak to, a brother who understood me even though we weren’t from the same clan. I thought I could be a brother and a loyal warrior both, I thought it would be </em> easy <em> .” </em></p>
<p>
  <em> His tone sharpened with bitterness, and when Lionpaw hesitated to pursue the subject it was Jaypaw who spoke next. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Didn’t he die? What does it matter now?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Brambleclaw frowned at the blind apprentice, but he continued on. Every word appeared to sear like a hot coal in his mouth, but he spoke clearly and without pause. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “He did die, and it does matter. I didn’t tell you how he died, and I never intended to. It’s not something meant to be shared with your kits. But now, I think you need to know.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Crowfeather wasn’t sure how Hawkfrost had died either, only peripherally aware of the aggressive tom from Gatherings and skirmishes. He listened with his children as Brambleclaw took a steadying breath. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I killed him,” He revealed, and all the air in the cave evaporated, “He tried to kill Firestar and then tried to kill me when I intervened. I had to choose between my kin and my loyalty and I chose my loyalty and killed my only brother. I didn’t hate him, I still don’t. This isn’t a question of how big your heart is, Lionpaw. Clans are not peaceful and one day a Windclan warrior will harm one of your clanmates and that warrior may be your brother. You need to make a choice because you can’t have both as a medicine cat might.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Lionpaw shrank back, naked horror on his face. Crowfeather felt much the same, fur prickling and heart hammering at the sheer notion that one day a similar scenario might befall his sons. That one of his kits could sit there wearing the face Brambleclaw was wearing, aged before their time. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I-“ Lionpaw shuddered, tucking himself against Hollypaw and away from his once-father and his fathomless gaze. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I’m loyal to my clan,” He said, voice quivering with terror. “I can’t go, either way I’ll have kin in another clan so if I have to choose, I’m going to be a Thunderclan warrior.” </em>
</p>
<p><em> He really was a worthless fleabag of a coward, because Crowfeather couldn’t bring himself to argue any further. He wanted to stop talking about it, to stop </em> thinking <em> about it. Even if it meant conceding his kit. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “Then I’ll pray that Starclan will be kind to us both,” He said instead.  </em>
</p>
<p><em> He gazed upon his firstborn son, untried, naive and so </em> easily broken <em> . He wished he had enough faith in Starclan to believe a simple prayer would be all it took to protect Lionpaw in his stead, to trust that Lionpaw would remain untarnished by regret or betrayal for the very circumstances of his birth. </em></p>
<p><em> And he </em> would <em> pray, pray as he’d never done before, would keep his eyes locked on the stars every night and his ancestors’ names pressed to his tongue for the sake of his sons. But even then, he knew it wouldn’t be enough. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> The lake was meant for happier adventures, but they hadn’t spared Brambleclaw the pain of killing a brother and Crowfeather wasn’t enough of a dreamer to believe that would never come to pass again. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Me too,” Lionpaw whispered, amber eyes enormous on his face. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Brambleclaw bowed his head, and he didn’t pick it back up for a very long time. </em>
</p><hr/>
<p>“I’m staying in Thunderclan too,” Lionpaw said to the throng, shakier than his sister, sinking on his haunches like he might slip off the ledge otherwise.</p>
<p>“I’m loyal to my clan and I will become a Thunderclan warrior with Ashfur as my mentor.”</p>
<p>His words were too wooden and simple, as hollow as his own confidence. Still, he was received more warmly than his sister. It was easier for Thunderclan to accept a warrior born of a broken code than a medicine cat, it probably didn’t hurt that his mentor wasn’t his mother either.</p>
<p>More meows of welcome rang out, Ashfur at the lead. The speckled tom tread to the front of the crowd so his apprentice could see him blink his approval, light eyes warm and easy. </p>
<p>Jealousy slicked Crowfeather’s throat when that was all it took for Lionpaw to straighten back up with his head held high.</p>
<p>“Thunderclan welcomes Lionpaw,” Firestar said, carefully prodding the apprentice to the back. </p>
<p>“From this moment on he has a place waiting for him in the warriors’ den.”</p>
<p>Firestar wasn’t finished with whatever platitude was leaving his mouth when Crowfeather snapped.</p>
<p>As soon as Lionpaw was in reach he buffeted against his son, laving over unruly cowlicks and pressing his scent as deep into his thick coat as he could. He expected to be rebuffed immediately, smelling like Windclan certainly wouldn’t do him any favors even if he resembled his mother’s clan more closely. Still, he hated how easily his claim slid off his firstborn too much to care.</p>
<p>Lionpaw surprised him when he let loose a deep rattle of a purr and leaned into the scrabble of affection like he’d experienced it every day of his life. He even tilted his head obligingly, exposing the soft white of his neck to the Windclan warrior without an inkling of wariness to his scent.</p>
<p>Crowfeather squeezed his eyes shut. Somehow, this hurt so much more than casual dismissal. His own answering purr came in hitches, a little too close to the sob strangled in his lungs. </p>
<p>“Whatever warrior you become, I’ll be proud,” He said raggedly, he’d meant to say more but he wasn’t strong enough to push it past his tight chest. Lionpaw knocked their heads together, purring loud enough to vibrate through his pelt and into Crowfeather’s. </p>
<p>Before he could capture the sensation, his son was pulling away. </p>
<p>His own paws leaned to chase after him automatically, but his head caught up a second later. He halted, watching as Lionpaw crossed the Highledge to sit beside his sister. His fur was still a disaster, but Crowfeather couldn’t follow him there.</p>
<p>“Don’t fret your whiskers off. He’s really gross about being touchy-feely so I guarantee you can finish the job next Gathering,” Jaypaw snorted.</p>
<p>Crowfeather was almost as grateful for the distraction as he was confused. He glanced down at the blind apprentice, nonplussed.</p>
<p>“What-“</p>
<p>But Jaypaw had already left, striding up the sheer rock with exactly too much self-assurance. His blind eyes were locked straight ahead and his paws were lifted high, the tiny scrap of fur floated into view above his clan’s heads like he belonged there.</p>
<p>Crowfeather leapt after him, racing to the ledge so he could place himself between the great height and his son who had already fallen off a cliff that day and hadn’t yet recovered. Sure enough, he bumped into an outstretched leg and shot Crowfeather an indignant glare.</p>
<p>“Don’t start, brat,” He grit between his teeth. </p>
<p>Jaypaw looked away with a sniff and very deliberately kicked his leg out of the way so he could stalk to the crumbling edge of stone, right at the tip further than even Firestar had gone. </p>
<p>“If you break a leg you’re still walking all the way to camp,” Crowfeather threatened, doing his best to appear relaxed as he reentered Thunderclan’s awareness and not like he was seconds from yanking his kit back by his scruff and giving him a good thrashing.</p><hr/>
<p>
  <em> “I’m going.”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Someone made a wounded noise, but Crowfeather couldn’t place who, he barely heard it over the pounding in his ears. </em>
</p>
<p><em> “Are you sure?” Leafpool began and </em> that <em> got his attention. Crowfeather lunged to his paws with a growl, fur bristling furiously. He </em> wasn’t <em> going to all three, damnit. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “I’d also like to know,” Firestar said lightly, green eyes twinkling, “Are you so certain about what you’ll find there?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Jaypaw scowled at the lot of them, “Does it matter why I want to go? I’m certain, I made up my mind.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “He isn’t obligated to tell any of you anything,” Crowfeather agreed. He slipped around his son, letting his tail trail lightly down his back. “Why should he need a reason to go to a clan with just as much claim to him?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Jaypaw shrugged the tail off with a flash of fang, his ears flattened irritably.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I’m not going because I’m halfclan either. Lionpaw’s right, we’ll be halfclan either way so it doesn’t matter.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Then,” Lionpaw padded over, “Then why are you leaving? I thought we were going to be warriors together.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Even Jaypaw wasn’t immune to Lionpaw’s heartfelt confusion, his temper visibly cooled as he leaned into his brother’s space. </em>
</p>
<p><em> “I think I know the best Thunderclan expects from me, I’m not stupid. Longtail never shuts about bringing in a vole every other week like that’s an </em> achievement <em> ,” He hissed, “I’m going to be more than that, a real warrior. I’m going to be like Deadfoot!” </em></p>
<p>
  <em> A pause, Lionpaw and Hollypaw blinked. Squirrelflight and Leafpool exchanged their own lost glances while Brambleclaw frowned thoughtfully. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Who’s that?” Lionpaw asked. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “The former Windclan deputy,” Firestar said. He canted his head towards Crowfeather, bemused.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “He was an honorable warrior who protected his clan through some of its lowest points in spite of a twisted paw. You must’ve had quite the chat escorting Jaypaw.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “He was his father, our grandfather now,” Jaypaw explained proudly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Crowfeather beamed, familiar pride glowing under his pelt at the thought of his father. He’d had no idea Jaypaw had been so impressed by Crowfeather’s casual introduction, but he couldn’t be more pleased for it. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “That’s something, I suppose,” Hollypaw murmured, “But Firestar is our grandfather as well, and he’s a clan leader. If you want to be in a clan with high expectations, shouldn’t it be Thunderclan?” </em>
</p>
<p><em> Jaypaw rolled his eyes, “You don’t get it,” He said, “You don’t notice the way I get treated, the way cats see me. No one here thinks I can be a warrior and I haven’t even been apprenticed for a </em> moon <em> . I’m not kin to Firestar here, I’m the poor blind burden.” </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “That’s not true,” Leafpool snapped, “No one has ever thought of you as a burden. We care about you Jaypaw, your clanmates only want to support you!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Firestar dipped his head in agreement, “The ultimate purpose of being a clan cat is to protect and care for your clanmates. There is no shame in requiring more assistance than another, seeking out a clan that doesn’t care enough to provide that assistance would be incredibly foolish.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He blinked then, serenity slipping sideways as a furrow dug its way between his eyes. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I meant no offense,” He offered wryly, “Not to either of you.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Crowfeather didn’t push aside the deep well of offense Firestar’s warning inspired, but he did shelve it for a moment to discover what was so off putting. He darted slit eyes over to his son to find a tiny, narrow-eyed reflection staring back at him and sporting an identical sneer of rage on his silver face. It was like looking into a twisted little mirror, he could appreciate the ferocious effect. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> With a snort, he looked back to the leader.  </em>
</p>
<p><em> “Of course not, it’s only my </em> clan <em> you think won’t lift a paw to help a clanmate,” he drawled with no small amount of venom, “Not every clan can possess mentors so dedicated as Thunderclan’s, I suppose. It takes true </em> caring <em> for a cat to tour their apprentice through half the territory one day and then ditch them in camp the next.” </em></p>
<p>
  <em> Squirrelflight flicked an ear, pupils round with aggression, “Don’t harp on things you know nothing about, Crowfeather. Brightheart only left Jaypaw out of the morning patrol to let him rest up for the final tour later in the afternoon.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Jaypaw’s voice was shrill in his outrage, “I didn’t ask her to do that! I’m an apprentice now and if she can’t figure that out she’s a mouse-brain!”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Firestar shot Jaypaw a stern frown, “Don’t speak that way about your mentor, Brightheart is doing her best.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Crowfeather watched, feeling like he had drifted out his body to observe from a space above their heads. It was a moment of clarity, Jaypaw’s young life laid bare for him to understand completely. With that same detached sense of omnipotence, he knew the scrap of rage and pride vibrating next to him was going to explode.  </em>
</p>
<p><em> “Then thank Starclan I’m leaving and getting a better mentor in </em> Windclan <em> !” Jaypaw roared, a deadly finality to his words. His fangs remained bared and his unseeing eyes roamed wildly to impress his decision upon every cat in the den. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> Crowfeather...regretted that. As hurt flashed across Lionpaw’s face and Leafpool flinched so violently she almost bowled into her sister, he knew that hadn’t been the right way to end this.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> But still, gazing upon his frothing son and his son’s frustrated leader and not-mother, he knew with a terrible certainty that this exact conversation had happened countless times. Never with stakes this high or centered around subjects this taboo, but the exchanges made were ones made a thousand times prior.  </em>
</p>
<p><em> Crowfeather knew no matter how they got out of there, it was vital that Jaypaw </em> leave <em> . </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “Windclan welcomes you, Jaypaw,” He murmured, brushing against his son’s bristling fur. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Jaypaw’s attention snapped back to him, blue eyes wide and desperate in their frenzy. He may not even know it, but in that moment he was begging Crowfeather for help, for a reason to trust him. Starclan knows he’d never say it aloud. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> That was okay, Crowfeather didn’t need to hear it. </em>
</p><hr/>
<p>“You mean you wouldn’t help your poor wounded clanmate, Windclan warrior?” Jaypaw growled in his ear.</p>
<p>“If you’re that weak you deserve to die of exposure,” Crowfeather said.</p>
<p>Jaypaw thumped his whipcord tail across Crowfeather’s flank without a single shift in his expression. Before his father had the chance to retaliate, he pulled himself up high on his toes and addressed his clan flatly.</p>
<p>“I’m leaving.”</p>
<p>Speechlessness swept the crowd, each cat stiffening in shock far below. </p>
<p>Crowfeather still couldn’t read Brightheart’s expression, but when he spotted her in the middle of the pack there was no mistaking her drooping ears and dim eye. </p>
<p>When no one could scrounge up a proper response and Jaypaw gave no indication he would continue, Firestar again spoke up.</p>
<p>“Jaypaw has chosen to join with his father in Windclan, much like how Stormfur joined us. We will honor his decision and hold no ill will.”</p>
<p><em> That </em> finally got mouths moving again, in particular the white tom from before.</p>
<p>Displeasure twitched at the tip of his tail as he carefully kept his gaze locked only on his leader, “What about Brightheart? Jaypaw was to be her first apprentice and she’s losing him through no fault of her own.”</p>
<p>Jaypaw made an ugly sound but, by the grace of their ancestors, he didn’t say a word against his former mentor.</p>
<p>“Brightheart will be a mentor again, Ferncloud’s kits will be apprentices soon and she may mentor one of them,” Firestar said.</p>
<p>A scruffy, pale cat with scars stretched across his face spoke next, “Does Windclan know what Jaypaw and Crowfeather decided?” </p>
<p>He shuffled uncomfortably, “Being blind is...difficult. Is Windclan expecting those difficulties? Surprising them with Jaypaw might go over poorly.”</p>
<p>When a few timid mews in agreement fell in behind the scarred cat he looked even more awkward, but didn’t relent. He truly believed Jaypaw would be torn apart at the border for daring to request entry as a blind apprentice.</p>
<p>Crowfeather’s could hardly believe what he was hearing. Was their opinion of Windclan truly so low? </p>
<p>He curled his lip into a snarl and made to <em> correct </em>these pompous morons when Firestar beat him to the punch. </p>
<p>“Windclan has never deserved those kinds of accusations, Longtail. In all my years in the clans they have displayed loyalty to kin even Thunderclan might learn from.”</p>
<p>A dusty brown elder scoffed, “They were too tiny to turn kin away before now, that’s all. They haven’t had a halfclan cat in all <em> my </em> years in the clans, either.”</p>
<p>“If you truly feel that way why don’t you haul your flea-bitten carcass up here and say it to my face!” Crowfeather yowled, and enjoyed every inch of incredulity creeping onto that elder’s face. </p>
<p>“They just want to know that Jaypaw has thought this through-“ Firestare began and it was Jaypaw who cut him off.</p>
<p>“They haven’t said a word to me yet, why bother standing up here at all?”</p>
<p>That cinched it for Crowfeather. With one last venomous glare at every cat perched on Highledge, he stuck his nose off the edge and addressed the clan below one last time.</p>
<p>“He’s leaving.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Crowfeather: Jesus, this kid is so pent up with rage and hostility, he should really get some therapy.</p>
<p>Literally everyone who’s had a conversation with Crowfeather: ...Are you kidding me?</p>
<p>Crowfeather sagely: No, this is a problem. I wish he felt comfortable enough with himself to share his feelings with others in constructive ways.</p>
<p>Literally everyone who’s had a conversation with Crowfeather: ....</p>
<p>Crowfeather: That looks so exhausting :/</p>
<p>Leafpool: I’m going to beat you to death.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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